Michael Lindemann
ThreeFish Consulting
With my background in counseling and coaching, I was surprised as well as intrigued by the title of this book. When I saw that the author had collaborated with the late Stephen Hawking, and written several books about psychology, I became even more eager to learn more about this perspective. My approach to emotions is based largely on the principle that they are shaped by subtle and fleeting “automatic thoughts” reflecting our assumptions and past experiences.
The book truly came to life for me when I reached Part III, titled “Emotional Tendencies and Control.” Here, I was impressed by the relevance of what Leonard Mlondinow describes to my work as an executive coach — in particular, to “strategic self-awareness” as afforded by feedback on Hogan profiles and similar assessment data. Mloninow writes in a clear and practical way that will appeal to a wide audience. I plan to start recommending these chapters to my coaching clients when appropriate. Here are some key points.
- We each have an “emotional fingerprint” or profile. It describes what it takes to trigger our basic emotions, the specific form and intensity they take on, and how we go about dealing with them. He points out subtle, specific ways in which our profiles can shape our thoughts and behaviors for the good, yet can also complicate or disrupt our lives and work, depending on the form they take. He provides simple yet rich examples. I think that these chapters could help any coaching participant better understand the value of strategic self-awareness, and explore their internal experience in greater depth.
- The book ends with a useful summary of basic ways in which we can better manage our feelings, especially at work.
- Acceptance involves developing a degree of detachment as we observe and note our feelings but aren’t enslaved to them. Here, the author draws on the ancient tradition of Stoic philosophy, which originated from ancient Greece. I personally find parallels in other traditions such as mindfulness. In this way, we can curb strong feelings that may derail us. Instead of trying to get rid of unpleasant feelings, we can take them in our stride, and, where possible, channel them constructively.
- Re-Appraisal involves exerting more choice over the way in which we assign meanings to circumstances and events. “Re-framing” is another term for this. The author cites recent research at Oxford University to show how we can embrace the positive aspects of our inner experience while, at the same time practicing the skill of reflecting. When we take a few seconds to reflect on what we feel, we can seek out more constructive ways in which to interpret and apply them.
- Expression involves the power of putting our feelings into words – either during a coaching session, or by writing in a personal journal. Recent research shows that this has a calming and stabilizing effect – it appears to activate the prefrontal cortex, crucial to our thinking, and to damp down activity in the limbic system, widely regarded as key to emotional “flare-ups.
The quiet and practical way in which Mlodinow describes our internal experience, and how we can gain detachment and greater flexibility, is truly helpful. Just reading the latter part of his work is a calming and illuminating experience. I plan to share this, as appropriate, when I engage in deep self-reflection with clients, and as a resource for them to consult in between coaching sessions.
I hope that you, too, will find this book interesting and helpful.
